After much thought, I reached a conclusion that maintaining many different poetry manuscripts would be counterproductive to my efforts to get one completed within a logical period of time. So I then moved to combine "Trial By Fire" and "Unresolved", while purging certain poems that I saw as simply filler pieces that were there to take up space. Since then, I've written much more poems to add to the new complete list of poetry for the manuscript.

The new manuscript is titled "In Search Of Paradise", and it is the combination of "Trial By Fire" and "Unresolved", two previously incomplete manuscripts. Numbering currently, as of June 5, 2009, at 39 poems. I'm aiming for 50 total.

Here is the list:
"Above Me"
"Carpe Diem"
"Darkness Continues"
"Dirty Laundry List"
"Do You Believe"
"Dreaming Hard"
"February Sanctuary"
"Firing The Darkness"
"Forget-Me-Now"
"From Here"
"Ghost Train"
"Go"
"Gods Among Men"
"Good Morning Tomorrow"
"Hangar 6805"
"Her Eyes"
"I Need"
"In Search Of Paradise"
"In The Dark"
"Incognito"
"Learning Game"
"Learning To Hate Myself"
"On And On And On"
"Prison Without Bars"
"Reinassance Superhuman"
"Shadows Of Imagination"
"Still Around"
"The Battle For Everything"
"The World"
"Thirty Days"
"Throwaway Heartbeat"
"Timeless Graffiti"
"Twenty Minutes Distance"
"Two Like Ten"
"Unexplored"
"Waiting For Carolina"
"We'll Go"
"Without"

This is it. Much of it is already on DeviantArt. Certain pieces just haven't been added for no reason. A very small select few are being withheld intentionally from posting, to be saved for the surprise in the manuscript.

I'm aiming for a poetry contest later in the summer and it is that I hope to claim my first victory in publishing. I'm a poet with aspirations. A man simply just trying to win for once.

-Chris

As I wrap up "Unresolved" and "Trial By Fire", I began to ponder the direction of my next manuscript. I always have a direction, a theme, whether concentrated or broad. With "Unresolved", it was of the things most in my life that will always be remembered with remorse and regret. But more importantly, it concentrated on certain regions of memory where I've always convinced myself I'd moved on, but at heart, I'm still unresolved. And not in the, there is still a heart in the feeling unresolved, but rather there is a lack of real closure. I can be an emotional person, very deep and at times sensitive. For me, it's ultimately been a bittersweet quality. I loathe it sometimes, but accept it as a necessary evil, for it helps the poetry I invest in. Other times, I like it. It keeps me honest.

"Trial By Fire" had a heavier, darker theme. It was more about turning my back, and wanting to just run. Life on a plan and schedule has thus far not rewarded me with any real progress, but significant failure. When it all came down to it, I wanted to just rage forth. As the title suggested, a trial by fire. It represents the bitter side of an emotional complex and how it consumes.

After much thought, there was two themes, I determined, that were all two common here. This was negativity, regret, remorse, anger, and bitterness. Much more synonyms could be uncovered, but the picture has been established. I looked at the direction of my life. As I work on the second "Open Letter To The Close Minded" (the first I put up a year ago, in response to a widespread criticism of my direction and the lack of faith in it), I reached a point of realization. And I then wrote.

Anyone who knows me know I'm a very political person as well. I am very opinionated and I am at times stubborn to the core. This new manuscript will largely reflect it. I do not have a title picked out for it, but a couple poems have been written thus far for it, including "Dead End Dreaming", "Extinct Super Being", "Fire", and "Animal."

Without a college education, and against the current of a society that believes strongly in such, every odd is stacked against me. But I've never been one to flow with the currents, but rather stand against. For what is right, not what is in. This poetry manuscript will feature themes somewhat political at times, but for the most part will be relative to the concept of determination, whether stubborn or selfish, but it will carry such broad theme.

You will soon get to view some of the early creations for this manuscript. And a title will be revealed soon. Until next time.

EDIT: The manuscript will be titled "Consurgo", which in Latin, means either "to stand up", "to rise up", "to arise", or "break out".

It's an interesting thing. My poetry. Because on first read, one would swear I'm completely insane. The words creating images as part of a greater picture and how they are utilized...it is something that suggests something other than sane train of thought. But my assurances, I'm very much in a sound state of mind.

As I've always said, my poetry is narcissistic so I don't have to be. Likewise, my poetry is insane and outlandish, so I don't have to be. Rather then allowing the loose pipe that are my emotions to drown me in its trivial madness, I funnel them into a useful process of writing. It allows me to write because my need to express is elevated. When I have a need to write to keep myself from overflowing, the flow through my writing is smoother.

It's awkward, but a lot of it has to do with the story behind "Trial By Fire." It is the latest poetry manuscript in the works by me. It traces exactly what I mean. That my poetry is narcissistic, unstable, and often outlandishly insane. Not for the purpose of sounding overly emotional just for the sake of being so and not for the purpose of showing off. It is rather so I will not consume myself. It's complicated. But trust me, it somehow makes sense.

The current list of poems in "Trial By Fire" includes:
"All Else", "All Humanity Zero", "Another Letting You Down", "Anybody's Tuesday", "Cowboy Thunder", "Dirty Laundry List", "Drifter", "Firing The Darkness", "From Here", "Ghost Train", "I Don't Know", "Insomnia", "Keeping It In The Tree", "Learning To Hate Myself", "Liberated", "Nothing Short", "On And On And On", "Planet Piranha", "Renaissance Superhuman", "The Battle For Everything", "Throwaway Heartbeat", "Two Like Ten", and "Your Song"

It's darker. It has more of a mood. It's bitter and it's angry. But most of all, it's honest. It is brutally honest. But a lot of it is metaphorically so. It is another example of me allowing my poetry to live every side of emotion.

Common themes are jealousy, remorse, fear, insignificance...all the negatives.

The mind itself has its dark sides, it also has its lighter sides. I've chosen to chart a ride on the former. I'm tracing along the rough ride. And this is what I've come up with.

But hey. Hang in there. Word on the street is the next poetry manuscript after "Unresolved" and "Trial By Fire" are wrapped up, will be a lighter more positively poetic piece. Perhaps one with an overall story? Experimental indeed.

Thanks for reading up.
-Chris

Hello all, long time no post, ey? It's been two months. Too long months, partly because of off-and-on writer's blog, and partly because I've been hard at work on three different poetry manuscripts which will soon be sent off to contests to be hopefully awarded publication. I'm thinking I'll have a weekly focus for the next three weeks, one manuscript each.

I will first unveil information on "Unresolved", because it is probably the most personal of the three. The second is titled "Revolution" and is more political, and the third, currently untitled, is a more randomly poetic piece

Here is the current content list, which will probably change before submission (I'll update if it does):
"After The Darkest Dawn"
"Bay Of Wolves"
"Constellation"
"Dear Girl"
"Dreaming Hard"
"Faith"
"Forget-Me-Now"
"From Exile"
"Glass Bridge"
"Good Morning Tomorrow"
"Hangar 6805"
"Hellfire Heart"
"In Me"
"Incognito"
"Learning To Hate Myself"
"Separation Of Heart And Mind"
"The Waiting"
"Told You"
"Unexplored"
"Unresolved"
"What I Have"
"When We All Become"
"Winter Field"

With this, I tonight, just before posting this, unveiled four of the above poems which are newer and have not been previously posted here. They are titled "Dreaming Hard", "Glass Bridge", "Unresolved", and "When We All Become."

Some of the above posted on the list are already on DeviantArt, as they have been posted previously. Find them through searching, if you wish. Just for reference, the ones already here are: "Constellation", "Dear Girl", "Good Morning Tomorrow", and "In Me."

Any further details that'll come about will be posted. Thanks for reading up!

-Chris

"Yes it's true that I believe
I'm weaker than I used to be
I wear my heart out on my sleeve
And I forget the rest of me
Yes there's times I've been afraid
And there's no harm in that I pray
Cuz I'm more frightened everyday
Someone will take the hope I have away."
"STOP"
by Matchbox Twenty

As said previously, I've resumed serious work on my music aspect of songwriting, as opposed to just cranking out lyrics. I've begun setting time aside to appease the creative process and allow it to grow. As a result, and dwelling upon a certain creativity rush, I've been cranking out piles of lyrics that're seeing the beginning stages of the music light of day. Songs like: "Passion And Separate Worlds Colliding", "Disliving", "Salvage Myself", "Said And Undone", and "Smooth Lightning", to name a few you haven't read yet.

There's nothing like finishing everything life commands at two in the A.M., realizing you can't sleep now, and then moving over to the little corner where the keyboard rests idly alongside an electric guitar. And then, letting the honesty slide off the strings, brutally and cruelly or peacefully, but still honest emotion.

I've got so much I want to do this summer. This isn't serious enough to be anything ultimately solid like a demo CD, but its serious enough where I'm rededicating regular time to seriously writing the music to move alongside the music more often. Maybe something could lead further in the positive direction? Perhaps. We shall see.

A short film is also in the works, greenlit with filming time set up. "Alpha" is the screenplay to first move to action with me. It is based off of a previous screenplay I wrote, "Genocide", adapting the characters and a clip of the plot into short film format. It's projected to be 15-20 minutes long, but we will see. Not too short, but it isn't long. Details come with days.

Political essays and stories are in and out. There'd be a lot to list, some of the essays covered in the last entry.

This is my future in full motion. I'm thrilled. Once this little bump in life is overcome, then all out I shall go. Music. Writing. Everything.

Thank you all for reading up and keeping with me! You rock!

-Chris